Little Jimmy bit his fingernails all the time. His parents tried everything to get him to stop, but to no avail. Finally, his mother, exasperated, decided to tell him a little white lie to get him to stop. “Jimmy,” she said, “You’d better stop biting your fingernails. If you don’t, then those fingernails will pile up inside your stomach and soon your stomach will be huge and full of fingernails.” Jimmy, worried about the idea of fingernails in his stomach, agreed to stop. The next day, Jimmy and his mom were shopping in a supermarket. They went to check out, and a pregnant woman was waiting in line in front of them. Jimmy beamed at the pregnant woman and said, “I know what YOU’VE been doing….”

One day a boy asked his mother for 100 dollars to buy a toy. She said NO. So
he wrote a letter to GOD asking for a 100 dollars. When the letter got to the
post office they figured that GOD meant the president. So they sent the letter
to the president house. The president read it and just to be nice sent the boy 10
dollars. The boy was very excited for getting the money. He wrote a thank you
letter back to GOD that read: “Thank you GOD for the money. I see that you had
to send the letter through the president and as usual those thiefing basterds
taxed 90%”

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Hudson’s
daughter.” Her mother told her this was wrong, she must just say, “I’m Jane
Hudson.” The minister spoke to her in Sunday school and said, “Aren’t you Mr.
Hudson’s daughter?” She replied, “Well, I thought I was, but mother says I’m
not.”