Although the following list of eleven useful “rules” you did not learn in school is typically attributed to Bill Gates, it is actually from the book “Dumbing Down our Kids” by educator Charles Sykes.

RULE 1: Life is not fair; get used to it.

RULE 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3: You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure.

RULE 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.

RULE 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills; cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

RULE 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night   And Didn’t Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day. In the morning they thought of a plan.   They made themselves look as dirty and weird with grease and
dirt.   They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night   and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car!   all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days.   They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared before the Dean.   The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test,   All four were required to sit in seperate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days. The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks. Q.1. Your Name…….. ……… ……..( 2 MARKS ) Q.2. Which tyre burst ?……….. ….( 98 MARKS ) a) Front Left b) Front Right c) Back Left d) Back Right …..!!!

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell “naughty” stories during
class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell
one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however,
got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his
time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. “They say there is quite a
shortage of prostitutes in France.” The girls looked at one another, arose and
started for the door. “Young ladies,” said the professor with a broad smile,
“the next plane doesn’t leave till tomorrow afternoon.” 

A distinguished linguistics professor was lecturing on the phenomenon of
double negatives. As he neared the end of his talk, he drew himself up and
declared solemnly:
In conclusion, let me observe that while there are numerous cases where a
double negative conveys a positve, there is no case where a double positive
conveys a negative.

Whereupon, from the back of the room, arose a small voice dripping with
disdainful condescension:

Yeah, yeah…

A professor stood before his class of 20 senior organic biology students,
about to hand out the final exam.
“I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know
you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after
summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been
celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the
final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the course.”

There was much rejoicing amongst the class as students got up, passed by the
professor to thank him and sign out on his offer. As the last taker left the
room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked,
“Any one else? This is your last chance.” One final student rose up and took the
offer.

The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students
remaining. “I’m glad to see you believe in yourself.” he said. “You all have
‘A’s.”

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”

So Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”

“How much for a season pass?”

If God makes a mistake, it is fate.
If a barber makes a mistake, it is a new style.
If a driver makes a mistake, it is an accident.
If a doctor makes a mistake, it is an operation.
If an engineer makes a mistake, it is a new venture.
If parents make a mistake, it is a new generation.
If a politician makes a mistake, it is a new law.
If a scientist makes a mistake, it is a new invention.
If a tailor makes a mistake, it is a new fashion.
If a teacher makes a mistake, it is a new theory.
If an student makes a mistake, it is a “MISTAKE”

After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bud’s trailer house, Bud asked,
“What is the usual tip?”
“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say
if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.”
“Is that so?” snorted Bud. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s
five dollars.”
“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”
“What are you studying?” asked Bud.
The lad smiled and said, “Applied psychology.”