An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. “Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.” The dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”

1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn’t published in a refereed journal. 5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects. 10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn’t behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top. 17. No record of working well with colleagues.

Three students, a student from Tennessee, a student from Alabama, and a
student from Auburn are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern
and a Genie pops out of it.
“I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.
The Tennessee student says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son
will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Tennessee.”
With a blink of the Genie’s eye, “FOOM,” the land in Tennessee was forever
made fertile for farming.
The Auburn student was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around the
University of Auburn, so that nobody from out of state can come into our
precious school.”
Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye,”POOF,” there was a huge wall around
Auburn.
The Alabama student says, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about
this wall.”
The Genie explains, “Well, it is about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and
completely surrounds the University of Auburn. Nothing can get in or out.”
The Alabama student says, “Fill it with water.”

Theorem: 3=4
Proof:
Suppose:
a + b = c
This can also be written as:
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c
After reorganizing:
4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c
Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)
Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

What’s the difference between a well-brushed equine and rapid teaching?
A well-brushed equine is a curried horse while rapid teaching makes for a
hurried course.

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best
friend. They … for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just laying there,
the phone rings. Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her
lover looksover at her and listens, only hearing her side of the
conversation…
(She is speaking in a cheery voice)”Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you
called. Really? That’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds
terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.”
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”
“Oh” she replies, “that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time
he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”